A friend of mine initiated a short story writing challenge, inspired by a photo. I’ve included the photo for reference and to get you into the headspace of the story. I tried to do it justice.
This nigga is not gonna call me.
That was the thought bouncing around Shar’s head as she took one last, lingering inhale of her “emergency blunt”. The one she shouldn’t even be smoking, especially with her big day coming up tomorrow. If this wasn’t her life it would almost be comical, but it was her life and there wasn’t a damn thing funny about it at the moment.
It had taken her two years to make up her mind about starting a family on her own terms. Another year after that spent saving every extra dollar she had to fund her fertility treatments and IUI. And another year after that to find a suitable donor that had no genetic conflicts and was (most importantly) Black. Four total years to get to this moment and yet it only took one message from Jackson Wright to send her spiraling off course, smoking weed the day before her IUI, and staring at a phone she knew wouldn’t ring.
The message was brief, albeit impactful: “Shar. My Sweet Thing. I’m in town, and I want to see you. Meet me at our spot @8.” You would think she should know better after 15 years of their on again, off again nonsense, but no. Shar found herself putting on her sexiest cocktail dress, spraying her hottest spots with that perfume he always loved on her, and driving to “their spot”, an underground speakeasy with the best live music in town.
Jackson was her person. She’d known it since the first day she met him in highschool, she knew it when she followed him to college, and she knew it now. What she didn’t know is why a simple “look, but don’t touch” catch-up over drinks, led to her inviting him back to her place. All sense left her head when he hugged her, letting his hand linger on her waist just long enough to be intimate, and she smelled his familiar scent. Jackson was dangerous and she was powerless to resist him.
There is no right time to tell the man you love that you are planning to have another man’s baby, but Shar could not think of a worse moment than the one she had chosen – pinned against her front door, her dress bunched up at her waist, with her leg on Jackson’s shoulder as he kneeled between her thighs, blazing a trail of fire with his lips and tongue. The guilt that overcame her as she felt herself coming down from an explosive orgasm had her pulling him up from his kneeling position, and saying the words that had sent him stumbling backwards down her front steps and pulling off in his rental car.
“I’m having a baby…” her voice cracked as she’d said it.
The confusion in his eyes was apparent, the hurt. She could tell he’d had questions. But he didn’t ask. Instead, she watched him leave without another word. Not even a goodbye. Shar had stayed there, leaning against her door with her dress wrinkled and out of place, for a long time. She’d wondered if she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life tomorrow, or if she had already made it four years ago.
Looking at her phone now, mocking her with silence and its lack of notifications, she realized she was running out of time to decide.
**************************************************
What the fuck was that?
Jackson had his first cohesive thought since he’d left Shars place over an hour ago and it was still a question. No shock there, Shar had been leaving him guessing since he’d met her in high school. She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and she’d wanted him. The foster kid without two pennies to rub together, and no plans for his future.
He often wondered what she saw in him then. Why she chose to share her life and light with him. He’d been so taken by her confidence and ability to go after everything she wanted with such laser-sharp focus. She dreamed big, and then actually did the shit she dreamed about. And somehow she always made room for him in all of her dreams. She’d encouraged him to dream as well, and then followed him along the journey in pursuit of those dreams. A decision he gave her every reason to regret. He loved her, more than he ever wanted to admit to himself, but he never understood her loving him.
Over the years he had tried to stay away from her, but like a moth to flame he always found himself drawn to her light. He moved away to give her space to find her forever, knowing that it couldn’t be him. And yet, he kept coming back. Taking on contracts in her city. Showing up at her favorite spots. Reaching out when he thought she might be moving on for good. He’d been playing this game so long, he never even realized she might be tired of it. Tired of him.
He stared at the phone in his hand, knowing he should call, text, do something. He just couldn’t move. Couldn’t bring himself to call her and hear her voice tell him again that she was having a baby that he knew wasn’t his.
He should have seen this coming. Shar had wanted a house full of kids when they were younger, and he knew she’d be an amazing mom. Every time they would pass a stroller or see a baby, she would light up. Secretly, he wanted that for her. Hell, he wanted that with her. He just wasn’t the right man for the job…yet. He thought he had more time.
Jackson leaned forward on the couch, phone still in his hands. It wasn’t just the fact that she was having a baby. She had never even mentioned that there was someone else. No warning. Just “I’m having a baby” right after she came on his tongue like she wasn’t already spoken for. Like she was still his. She’d said it like it wasn’t a grenade sent to blow up his life. Like it wasn’t going to suck all the air out of his body.
He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted to feel anything but the deep regret that was consuming him. Gnawing at his insides. But how could he be angry at her for living the life he was too scared to live with her?
Looking at her contact for one last moment, he chose to send her a message. “You’ve always deserved the world, I wish I’d been ready to give it to you. You’ll be an incredible mother.” For once, he chose not to be a coward. For once he chose to give her just a fraction of the love and understanding she’d given him in all the years she had known him. He only hoped his heart would heal, because right now it felt like it would never beat the same again.