When I pictured my life at 25 I can admit I was pretty idealistic. I imagined this hyper-perfect version of myself who had it all figured out and had managed to get all of the pieces of her life into perfect alignment. What I did NOT picture was getting to this point and feeling like I hadn’t done enough. Feeling like I was inadequate or “behind”. I would have never thought I’d be here….in quarantine, feeling alone and lost on my birthday.

This posts isn’t meant to bring anyone down. In all actuality, writing it is forcing me to think through things and it feels kind of cathartic.

I’ve been pressing myself to reach all of these self-imposed deadlines for my important (to me, lol) life milestones and it’s been running me ragged and NOW it’s affecting my ability to even celebrate the blessing that is LIFE. Another year of breath in my body.

25 is starting with me listening to the rain in my room, playing animal crossing on my switch lite, and having Avatar: The Last Airbender playing in the background. It’s starting off calm, and simple with a hint of sadness creeping at the edges (I cried on the phone with my mom a few hours ago…I miss that woman). It’s starting off in quarantine with no end in sight…but ultimately it’s starting period. I made it here. I arrived and there is a reason. Even if I’m not aware of what it is at the moment.

So, while I’m not feeling that great today, tomorrow will be better. And the next day, and so on and so forth. I’m “twenty-fine” and I get to enjoy that. I’m blessed. Plus, I’m doing pretty well I think. I’m right where I’m supposed to be….just gotta keep reiterating that to myself (I can be unyielding and stubborn in my thoughts at times *sigh*….I’m working on it).

So for today I’ll toast in the mirror to the good times that have passed, the great times that are coming, and the blessing that is life. It ain’t promised and it ain’t easy, but I’m here. I’m living….I’m 25. *shudders*