This time I’m hurt.
What I thought might be forever, lasted longer than it should have but also not long enough.
And it’s testing me.
If you’re not my “person”, and if “with you” is not what I’m meant to be,
then why did our walks in this life lead you to me?

I’m confused.
Because you say that you love me.
You say that you care.
But I’m asking for one thing, a commitment that’s not there.
You can’t give it.
So I can’t receive it.
And it’s elusive…a relationship is always eluding ME.

I’m angry.
You could have left me where you found me.
I was straight.
Now I’m up all night wondering why this had to be MY fate.
A part of MY story.
Just here for another mans memory.

What about me?
Why the f*** didn’t you leave me where I was at? Where I sat?
And even when I walked away, you found yourself captivated by my back.
I became a renewed goal, when I should have been left to your past.

So yea..I’m sad.
Tomorrow I’ll be mad, next day something different.

I want to love you and fight you at the same time.
I hate you and crave you with the same mind. You’re…in me.
My space, my body.
I can’t believe I let it get this deep.

Next time I’ll stay where I’m at.
Or next time, I’ll walk backwards from you slowly, so you can’t chase me from behind.
Can’t creep up on me. You, who is so captivated by my back.

Next time I won’t be hurt.
I’ll remember my independence came at a price I’m unwilling to pay again.

Next time I’ll win.
I really hope I win.

This time I let you in. My mistake.
So I’ll be hurt, sad, and confused.
That’s on me.
But even as I cry, with my crown on the ground….I must remind myself:
“Next time make sure you keep your seat”

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Check out more of my poetry here.